I think the hardest part of that time was folded up the two little onsies i had so excitedly bought only that month. The only way i knew i could get through this time, and for my husband, was that we remembered. We would remember that baby alot. We would talk about him, we would honour him, and we would make sure he was always part of our family.
We remember our heaven baby Joshua with a frame of where he used to lived (my womby)
Now a mere seven months on, we are expecting our second baby, and how overjoyed we are to know its healthy boy! It felt like this would never come even in the short time we took to get pregnant again.
Today i celebrate that my second baby is alive and well inside of me, and that we would never take back the thrill of having the baby, but we still shed a tear that we could not share these milestones with out first, Joshua.
I am grieved knwoing that women around the world have to suffer what seems so unfair and unjust, but i know God has a plan. He has the whole world in his hand. Never did i think that cheesey sunday school song, with ever hold so much meaning for me. But i know, that even in the midst of my life feeling choastic, grief striken, and like no one cares, God really does have it in his hand. Not only that, he has my beautiful little Joshua in his hands too.
I thank God today that i have my second chance to be an earthly mother. Thats i get to hold this little one in four months. I also pray, that God would remind me every day how blessed i am to have been given this chance to be a mother. I ask that even though its hard, that he put people in my life that i can walk with through similar tragedies. That the loss of our first has purpose and a way to reach out to others! I pray that all those that walk through miscarriage and loss, especially of their firsts, will receive the joy one day of holding a baby they can call their own!
Thank you God for my miracle baby!